i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
