if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
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I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
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I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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