i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
