The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
