I just cut my nipple shaving
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
