Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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