I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
