The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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