my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
