Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
