They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
