The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
