How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
