Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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