I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
