Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize