i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
This house was built for laser tag.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
