just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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