No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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