it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
