It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
