Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
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