Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
