I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
