How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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