Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
should my penis look like a turkey
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
