Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Pants 0. Shit 1.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
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