Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
