Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
