I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
