Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
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I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
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I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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