im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
