Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
