Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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