my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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