we're blogging at a bar
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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