im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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