she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Randomize
