sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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