We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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