we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
