i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
BRING THE BAGELS
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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