Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
