I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
