I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
