She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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