She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
