you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
