Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
