My boss' voice literally gives me gas
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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