I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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