you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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