I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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