Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Drunk is a universal language darling
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