love makes seman taste better
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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