dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
