I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
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you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
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the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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