I'm laying in your front yard are you home
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
