just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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