My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
