u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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