every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
