he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
