So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Randomize
