Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
