You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize